Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
