So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
