apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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