I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
