I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
