Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
