Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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