So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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