therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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