I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
