this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
