I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
did you just send me my own nude
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
