Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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