We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
