my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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