I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's always time for handjobs
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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