Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
