Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
