the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
