he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
