i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
