if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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