Plan B is the new Plan A
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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