i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
