"it" just moved
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
