So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
