drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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