I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he thought i was a dude.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
