Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just want nice things and good sex
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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