I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
