Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
