our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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