4 words: hood of his car
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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