Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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