I molested 6 butterflies tonight
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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