none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
