Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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