She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
