Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wish you could order shots online.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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