I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
