You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
