The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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