So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
