i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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