Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
