it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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