I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
