I'm so fucking centered right now
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ugly people sure do ruin things
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
