Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
