hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
